It all started Spring of last year (2017). I had just gone through the worst breakup ever. From a nine-year relationship with my children’s father. Things were so horrible. My whole life completely changed and it just kept getting worse. I never in my life thought I’d ever go through something like that.
During this time, I fell into a deep depression. Having no will to keep moving on with my life, wanting to end things (with a couple of attempts to do so), thinking and believing that my children were better off without me. Not feeling good enough, having the lowest self-esteem I’ve ever had. I started falling into a lifestyle of going out any chance I could, “meeting” new part-time “lovers” and worst of all drinking.
I would wake up in the morning, drink whatever alcohol I had left from the weekend, drink before bed, drink when I went out to a bar, restaurant or to a friend’s house. I would make up any excuse to drink. Even the ever so popular line “It’s five o clock somewhere!” In the moments of drinking, I had no cares or worries in the world. Everything I was going through, seemed so distant. Alcohol was my temporary escape.
My wakeup call was when my son leaned in to kiss me one morning and said, “Ew mommy! Your breath smells disgusting! What did you eat?!” As I leaned back and looked at him with a puzzled look, not realizing I had drunk something earlier, I huffed into my own hand and smelled what he had smelled. He was right. It smelled horrible. Like a mixture of a bad cocktail, like death, like someone who gave up on herself and took to bottles of alcohol for help instead of talking to someone. I immediately ran into the bathroom, brushed my teeth rinsed my mouth and just stayed in there crying on the toilet.
I felt so ashamed, disappointed, and overcome with sickness. After about fifteen minutes, I let myself out of the bathroom, went into the kitchen and dumped anything I had left over. From then on, I said to myself, no more hiding behind bottles, no more making excuses on why I can’t deal with my problems head on, no more having the fear of not being able to talk and ask for help. My son, opened my eyes and made me see that the lifestyle I had chosen was the wrong one. That the life I was living was a lie. That I was better than the person I made myself to be. I am forever thankful for him (and his sister of course).
I am extremely lucky to have realized early on that I had a problem. I was lucky to have been able to “recover” (if you will) on my own without needing to go to a rehab facility. However, not everyone may have that opportunity or have people to help them see their addictions. If this is you, or if you know someone with an addiction, please don’t hesitate to speak up! There are many different places you can go to, people you can talk to (in person or over the phone). Don’t feel afraid to ask for help. The first step is realizing that you are not alone. There are many other people like you. It is up to you to be the voice for yourself and for others that are afraid. You can make a difference by helping yourself. Starting with you. Setting that example for someone else, to have that courage to get the help they need and deserve.
Head on over to my resources page, to check out some websites and numbers available for you twenty-four/seven! One recommendation I have is DrugRehab.com. They specialize in all types of addictions. Whether it be alcohol abuse or substance abuse.
If you’d like to share your story with me or just simply want to talk please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I am always available! REMEMBER: THE CHANGE BEGINS WITH YOU!