Mommin’ Aint Easy

moth·er

a woman in relation to her child or children

verb: 

1. bring up (a child) with care and affection.

  • look after kindly and protectively, sometimes excessively so.
2.  give birth to.
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 Being a mother is the most amazing honorable role for a woman. Having a little human in your life, who looks up to you and who will always love you no matter what is such a great feeling… For some, motherhood is easy. And for some it’s hard.
I fall in the in between.  Especially when my illnesses decide to work against me. Having a mental illness is no joke, but add  motherhood into the mix, and you’ve got yourself a very bumpy ride!
It’s so hard when you want to be the fun, loving, crafty, organized mom you know you can be. But you wake up so down and out with no intention of adulting that day. The night before, you planned out today. From what you’d make for breakfast, to what specific activities you wanted to do with the littles. Even planned out what you’d all wear down to your daughter’s hair bow. But then, you open your eyes in the morning, and all that strategic planning just disappears. You suddenly don’t have the urge to go to the bathroom or even get out of bed.
Some may say, “How can you not want to be a mom one day?” or “What do you mean, you don’t feel like momming today, you don’t have a choice.” And they’re completely right. Being a mother is not something you can just quit. You can’t just pack up and abandon them or the life you have with them. But when you are someone with a mental illness such as depression, anxiety or mood disorder (like me), that is something that has crossed your mind. You think to yourself, “they’d be better off without me” or “they deserve a better mother.”
But the truth is, you are an amazing mother. You are not perfect by any means, but you are perfect for them. You do all you can to make them happy and to make sure they always have what they need and more. All it is, is a bad day. Not a bad life. We have to remember that our mental illness isn’t what defines us as a person. We cannot let it make us feel “less than” or let it control our lives. It’s already taking over our emotions. It can’t have its cake and eat it too!
So don’t stop being a kickass momma because your illness says so! You’re the boss of your own life! Go and conquer mommyhood! You’ve got this girl!

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